This week, I watched a real professional at work. It wasn’t a flashy presentation or a brilliant sales pitch—it was a simple conversation. I sat beside a friend as he asked thoughtful, curious questions to the person next to me. There was nothing scripted or forced, just sincere interest.
As the conversation unfolded, I noticed something remarkable: he wasn’t listening to reply. He wasn’t waiting for his turn to talk. Instead, he was listening to understand.
Within minutes, he uncovered what really motivated this individual, what worried them, and what they hoped would change. By the end of the talk, he had helped them discover a solution to something that had been weighing on them for a long time.
It hit me: this is what real listening looks like—and it is far rarer than we think.
Breaking the "Agenda" Mindset
Most of my life has been spent in sales. When I was younger, I often dreaded the process unless I landed the sale. If I didn’t, I walked away feeling like I hadn't truly "reached" the person.
I finally realized why: I wasn’t truly listening.
I was approaching conversations with my own agenda. I was hearing their words, but not their meaning. I wasn’t uncovering a need; I was just hoping they would align with the solution I already had in my mind.
Why Active Listening is a Rare Skill
Many of us fall into the same trap: we think we’re listening, but we’re actually just waiting. We are preparing our responses and driving the conversation instead of discovering it.
Those who have mastered active listening do things differently:
- They don't rush: They allow the conversation to breathe.
- They don't interrogate: They ask curious, not clinical, questions.
- They create space: They provide room for someone else to think, feel, and be seen.
A Universal Foundation for Connection
Whether you are in a high-stakes sales meeting, a quiet mentoring session, or a conversation at the dinner table, active listening is the ultimate foundation of trust. In mentoring, it allows you to guide others toward their own potential rather than forcing your own answers. In leadership and life, it turns surface-level interactions into meaningful connections. By listening to understand rather than to direct, you stop being the person with the "right answer" and start being the person who helps others find their own way forward.
Practice: The Active Listening Exercises
Before your next mentoring session, try these three simple shifts:
- The 5-Second Rule: After the other person finishes speaking, wait five seconds before responding. This ensures they are truly done and gives you time to process.
- Ask "What else?": Instead of offering a solution, ask "What else is on your mind regarding this?" to dig deeper into the actual need.
- Check for Understanding: Periodically say, "So, if I'm hearing you correctly, you're saying [X]. Is that right?"
